Do you fear excellence?

Hi All,

I am coming back to this space after a long time. I had some hurdles to cross and they required my undivided attention, hence the prolonged absence. While overcoming the above obstacles, I experienced a certain strange feeling which I thought I should share with everyone.

I fear excellence. I fear perfectness. Let me get myself clear here, I don't fear PEOPLE who are brilliant or near to perfect. I fear perfectness as a virtue. While surmounting the obstacles, something in me was telling not to go for perfectness. It’s not achievable. Or worse still, it’s a sacred cow which was not to be slaughtered. It’s better left untouched.

This feeling could have stemmed from the fact that I am more pessimistic than I am optimistic. But I have reasons to feel that this might not be the only reason for the peculiar sentiment which I was undergoing. I have always wanted to be among the top. I have always wished to be showered with laurels. But at the same time, I have also dreaded the academic limelight. At those times I did not know what was making me feel in such a way.

But now I have understood it. I am frightened by excellence. I am not sure if this is restricted to academics or extends to other spheres of life as well. I am equally confused as to whether this might be as bad as it looks or could actually be a blessing in disguise as excellence, which I consider to be an unachievable virtue, keeps pushing me further and further.

So what are your thought on this? How do view excellence and how do you deal with it?